In some recent excitement, I judged a fiction contest. I can safely say that 98.5% of what I read was painful and unreadable. As in “Galbraith raised his chalice and turned to me.” Or, one story about a team of cats taking over a woman’s house and stealing her baby. Or, another tedious tale of a publicist at a retirement home who painstakingly details her conversation with a WWII vet who speaks in platitudes. I do not joke. Luckily, one of my fellow writing workshop cohorts won first place! And, in an even stranger “Being Jon Malkovich"/"Whatever Happened to Baby Jane” identity stealing twist, I was asked to accept the award on her behalf since she had already left for grad school. It was really a bizarre experience to accept an award for someone else AND try to do their story justice by doing a reading. I also had a weird summer cold which gave me a slightly raspy voice. I hope I sounded like Joan Wilder in “Romancing the Stone.” Fun times!
So, the fiction reading and recent resurgence of interest in actually writing urged me off the couch on Sunday to Barnes & Noble. I really wanted to buy this book , but, since it was a ridiculous $22, I opted for his other acclaimed book . I’m nearly done with it, and it’s pretty good, but I’m getting a strong D.H. Lawrence, Virginia Woolf crossed with “Remains of the Day” re-heat. Not to mention the “tragic misunderstanding” which occurs is actually rather Seinfeld-esque*
If it were set current day, it would be called “Wedding Crashers.” I assume any female who has suffered through co-ed junior high has probably received letters far more disgusting, only to have to continue attending classes with the jackass who sent the letter and watch him triumph in popularity on the soccer field and, his only punishment being--as is apropos for such jackassiness—a slow wither into adulthood after attending a sub-par regional college no one has ever heard of, marriage to the height of female perfection in 1993, and a slowdive into mid-life crisis while his kids run rampant with his credit card and his life drifts out of view.
But, this is set in 1935, and lewd letters totally up the ante of morals, ruining a man’s life, etc. I mean, it’s a good way to get into the class issue, and I’m completely minimizing the expert way the drama unfolds, the descriptions, etc. but still. If it’s going to be dramatic I need full on intrigue or murder!
So, as the Summer Ennui crept into Reading Ennui, I turned on the telly and flipped between “The Hills” and “Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane.” I feel totally guilty even thinking it, but I kind of like her. She’s really kooky and crazy, and somewhat without self-awareness. Or maybe that’s her thing. Either way, she’s like a big gay man in a woman’s body and such performance cannot go missed. “The Hills” is kind of eh this season. Without the idiocy of Heidi’s whining about actually working and the Jason the Werewolf drama, it’s kind of boring.
Except for Audrina’s beau who is totally channeling Eddie Vedder or, Ethan Hawke in “Reality Bites,” or any guy who attended college between 1992-1994. It’s kind of funny to see Cool Guy Circa 1994 interacting with Cool Shiny Girls 2007. It’s hilarious, actually. Especially since he is totally trying to be the bad guy.
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See, Summer Ennui taints everything! I tried reading the VF interview with Shia LaBouef, but it could not hold my interest. All the young male stars seem so non-masculine and interesting right now. I was all on board for Jake Gyllenhal and Heath Ledger, but that’s where it ends if they are under 35.
Alright, the complaint train is coming to an end. Next stop, lord only knows!
*Spoiler Alert: If you plan on reading the book, you may want to stop reading. Or, you may want to read it to save yourself 100+ pages of dramatic build-up:
Basically, it’s 1935, class system is totally “Gosford Park” (sans Clive Owen) and a house servant who has been educated by owner of the manor home (sent to Cambridge, ready to attend med school, yada yada) gets the hots for the daughter. So, he decides to write her a letter telling her as much, except he writes TWO letters one is completely lewd (as in “I want to kiss your cha-cha” lewd. Literally. Except he doesn’t say cha-cha, he says the other c-word), the other letter is “I love you, etc.” Guess which one he accidentally passes on to the youngest daughter to give to her sister? Yep. The lewd letter. Through a series of MAJOR misunderstandings, the younger sister assumes he is a maniac and he is accused of rape and sent to jail.
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