Granted, I started at the bottom of the barrel, ala the infamous cerulean blue quote from "Devil Wears Prada"--you know the place where fashion trickles to--Forever 21.
I was met with three different lines to chose from: Festival, Rebel Cry, Picnic Perfect, Sail Away and Electric Avenue.
The apocalypse is certainly at the door when "Picnic Perfect" and "Sail Away" sound the most likely to not wind you up looking like a the victim of a makeover inspired by rocking out to Billy Idol or Rick James imagined through the misguided musings of say, Rachel Zoe. I mean, those among us who lived through the '80s might remember when Express! first came onto the scene and invaded malls with neon and safe suburban "punk." Well, if you have missed it for the last 20+ years, don't worry, it's back:
Seriously. So, I immediately ran screaming into the arms of H&M, where I was met by something even more horrifying,something which in its atrocity upon the eyes of humanity cannot even be given a name. So, I will name it in, hopefully, a way to make it less powerful: Denim That Should Only Be Seen in a Rod Stewart Video In Which the Main Character of Said Video the theme of which being, "Girl Who Just Jumped Off a Greyhound Bus From Idaho to Los Angeles Where She Hopes to Pursue Her Dreams to be a Movie Star." Sure, H&M can call this "Festival Fun," but I would prefer to refer to it as the "Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse." Take a gander at the "cool tomboy look" and tell me that a shudder does not move from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet. It makes Electric Avenue look like Balenciaga. For this look, I full-on blame Kate Moss, Samantha Ronson and DJ from "Full House." Apparently, the future is going to be about colored denim, pegged pants and bolero jackets. I guess I've just had my head in the sand lately between work and other life things, so I've been avoiding fashion, but HELLO???? Style.com is not much better. While I'm intrigued by "Geometry Lessons," there is no way in H-E-Double Hockey Sticks that I would ever be able to pull any of it off without just looking terrible. I have one strapless "sack dress" from last summer that is balled up in the back of my closet after I realized that without wearing 64" heels I just looked like some sort of sad avant garde dancer with no dance.
I really enjoyed the brief Mod thing that went on the last year, but now, this? I thought Boho Chic died a slow death, but now it's back and called "Festival." I hope this too shall pass.
